End of Roads
As Chrystal already wrote we hiked along the Via Francigena to Rome, this is now already a few days back, but let me tell you how this road ended.
The brightest shining gem of the walk was the loving and open hospitality of the people we met along the way. Once, while searching in Viterbo for some shelter, we got dissapointed several times and the sun was setting. I already lost hope and Chrystal took over leading the way, asking for directions 'till we came to an old remote corner of the city. A bright face greeted us and helped us find the way to the church there, since we couldn't find shelter there either, she offered us a place in a music school that she founded. Naomi, we found out was her name, has lived in Viterbo for 20 years now after leaving the United States and traveling long to find home. It was one of the encounters that blessed our souls as we just shared a bit life with her for 2 days and heard her story.
Leaving Viterbo we got exited to visit Rome, it would be the first time for both of us. The last days of walking went over quickly, one morning we found ourselves standing on a hill overseeing the everlasting city and the majestic St. Peters dome ahead of us. We rested for a while and I wondered what this city would mean to us and what we had to learn here. We were to found out soon and it was hell. Chrystal started to get worse cramps as we got to the pilgrim house. Once arrived there, she started to bleed, stomach got even worse and we didn't know what to do. We called Chrystals midwife and asked for advice, she told us if the blood would get read we should be prepared to loose our baby. In the evening the blood got red. From there we entered into the saddest night of our young life. Lost in a echoing convent, deep at night Chrystals whimpering could be heard, but everyone was asleep soundly. I was confused, not knowing what to do or what to say so I kept silent. Then tears came as Chrystal lost her little one, and they were not to cease for days. Inexperienced with these situations we decided to take 3 days to mourn our baby and reflect on the fact that we were going to be parents and then not anymore. We would have called Penelope (Odysseus' wife in the Odyssey of Homer), a name associated with great moral stature, beauty and height, but also a prophecy of great anguish, yes so great that one might wish to die or never be born. Maybe God heard her wish from the future and brought the seed of life back into his stream of love.
Now we look back on this city with mixed feelings, the experience is still a mystery to us like a locked book that we own but cannot read. Time will tell... After the 3 days we went to look at some things in Rome but their beauty was tinted by the digital cameras that were present by the thousands and saw more than their owners. The lust for exploring vanished after our sad night and did not come back till we left the city 10 days later. Thus Rome was the end of many roads: a place we imagined romantically, a place we hoped to find joy and rest and the end of the Via Francigena.
New Map
Just updated the map to represent our current journey, I will update the route when we get to a new place. You can zoom in an click on the lines for more information.
Here's the link to the google map.
New Number for Italy
Some people might have realized that my number is not working. We have just bought a SIM card for Italy:
+39 349 617 3931
We woulf love to hear from you 
PS: Does anyone know a place to stay in Rome? If yes send us and SMS.
More Photos on Flickr
Entering another little town
Originally uploaded by Luke Buehler
There are photos on Flickr for our journey until now. Not yet ordered and sorted nicely, sorry.
Via Francigena
Most of you know that Luke and me (plus one) are traveling right now. We took a train to Florence Italy last Tuesday and decided to hike (and hitch) to Rome. I know, right, we found out about 3 weeks ago we will be having a baby, but we got some advice from midwives and as long as I'm hydrated and eating well and not carrying too much weight, we are safe to travel. So we've been hiking now for 7 days, each day around 20 kms, which takes about 4-5 hours and we get up at 5:30 am, because the first couple days the Tuscan sun scortched us! The feet took a bit adjusting, but now just swell. My pack is around 10 kilos and Luke's is around 15. We are doing an old mideval route called "via francigena" it was the main route used to travel through Europe. Along the way there are free places to stay for Pilgrims. It's been so awesome, free bed, some times a kitchen to use and a place to hang smelly clothes. We have 4 more days until Rome, where we'll chill out for a bit, because they say I could be feeling a bit sick then.
As of yet, I have nearly no problematic pregnancy symptoms, just stopping and peeing every 15 meters. Oh and we've been hitchhiking, which so far has been such an adventure. We hitchhike where the trail is paved road, cause your feet start to burn like crazy when the road is flat. And the sweetest coolest people have picked us up. Don't worry those who are worried, we only go on the smaller coutry roads not the highways, that is too dangerous and we have a safety plan! We are very pregidous against BMW's and Mercede's they always fly by, but we appreciate the gust of wind in our faces! And when you walk along the road the huge trucks are the scariest, those blasts of wind almost lift you off the ground!
Luke decieded not to go to St. John's university this fall cause he didn't get enough aid. We plan right now to come back to the US in September and we want to visit Canada soon after if possible. Alright, this cafe is expensive and we still don't have a place to sleep for tonight yet, this town has no place for Pilgrims. Oh and Italy, gelato is amazing, coconut, white chocolate is a personal favorite and Spaghetti bolognese is something is dye for, statues and art, you just can't beat. Pictures soon.
On the Road Again
In the literal sense of the word. We are walking again and it feels so good! Right now on the way to Rome on the Via Francigena. I hope to blog about the many adventures Chrystal and me have experienced so far.
The Heart
I just found on one of my favourite blogs following quote:
The heart itself is but a small vessel, yet dragons are there, and there are also lions; there are poisonous beasts and all the treasures of evil. But there too is God, the angels, the life and the kingdom, the light and the apostles, the heavenly cities and the treasuries of grace—all things are there. (St. Macarius, H.43.7)
The same quote was given to me by one of the monks who taught me many things about Orthodoxy on Mount Athos. It's poetic and contains a deep truth. I do not consider to understand it but it expresses something I'm growing increasingly aware of. The heart is the vastest space we can find. It contains all the hope and fear, happiness and pain. Interested to find out what a pilgrimage is about, the question always returns to the journey of the heart. What does it mean when one goes "to find myself"? Isn't it when we try to use the outer journey to force ourselves into an inner one? The forcing means that we try to avoid it. For my part, I try to avoid it by all possible means, it's scary to face myself. I always though all is calm inside and the distractions of life keep me from becoming quiet but it turns out to be opposite: there are dragons, lions, poisonous beasts and all the treasures of evil. It's scary to go there. It turns out that I try to find things to distract myself with in order that I do not have to face those dangerous toils of my heart and that the true mountains to climb lie there.
Sickness unto Death?
Unto death? Not really, but if one has something that bothers the body one begins to wonder if it might me lethal.
Three weeks ago I astonishingly observed that a tingling, which started a few days beforehand, had grown into somewhat alarming numbness in feet and hands. The most alarming thing for me was that every day I had less strength in my muscles, starting from the legs but slowly taking over the whole body. I went to the doctor and she had no idea what it was, then I went to the hospital and they had to test me for a whole day to find out what I might have. They took water from my spine which should not hurt at all, but the lady seemed to do it for the first time and I was screaming and moaning like never before because she kept hitting some nerves and muscles inside my spine. At least the water gave them a hint what caused this strange symptoms. They guessed that I had something called Guillain-Barr syndrome (German) which was caused by a virus. They sent me home and told me to return if it got any worse and gave me some painkillers.
The next morning I woke up and realized that my face also started to get lame. It became hard for me to move the right side of the face. A bit alarmed, I called the hospital again, whereupon they invited me to return immediately. There some neurology (nerves) experts examined me again and decided that it would be better for me to stay in the hospital and begin with the treatment immediately. I found out that they did not treat me earlier because the medicine is very expensive and can give all kinds of side effects. The problem with the sickness is that it can rapidly advance and befall the muscles of the lungs and for that affect the breathing. So there I was a few hours later in the intensive care station with all kinds of surveillance equipment on my body and needles feeding treatments directly into the blood.
Finally I had some time to reflect of what was going on. I was loosing control over my body, thanks God I could still walk, but did not know for sure what I had and where it was going to lead. For some reason I felt serene and at peace. I remembered the last stroll I took outside, it was a sunny day and as I walked I played with the idea that it might be the last one for a while or for good, and I gave thanks to God for walking. It would be the last stroll for almost two weeks.
The medicine I received were Immunoglobulins, extracted from blood of other people, they strengthen the immune system and are a well known cure for the complications I've had. What gave me troubles were the the side effects of the medicine. I was really sick, had to throw up and couldn't sleep. The treatment took five days, a few hours each. I dreaded it because now my tormentor was not the disease but the cure. After five days it was over though, and to my relieve the lameness stopped progressing. The doctors announced that I'm progressing positively but have to stay another three to four days. Therapy started and I got lots of visits from my friends. Chrystal stayed close to me, the troubles brought us to places of despair and helplessness which we never experienced together before. It brought us closer and gave us more respect for each other because we realized how deep our souls can resonate when plunged into a situation of despair.
Now looking back I thank God for his mercy. One fourth of the people with Guillain-Barre is struck so severely that they loose control over breathing, up to four percent dies. I probably will regain almost 100% of my strength but might never regain the full measure of endurance I had before.
Thank you for your concerns and prayers during that time and even now.
Some Thoughts
I've been writing the last six months, but not on this blog; I've been working on an essay and now it's finished. So I'll return to my blog and will pick up where I left off. We're on a journey to a place unknown, in faith we move hoping to find a home for our souls. My searching took me to the outskirts of philosophy, I still don't understand the power and meaning of our rationality, but what I've seen so far has told me that there is a wold of understanding things in a depth and austerity that reminds me of the sea. Nietzsche describes the journey of a man, searching for his own virtue, like a wave stealing all his self imagined greatness. The same man standing on a different shore will one day, by the same wave, be refunded all he's lost:
Verily, I have taken from you a hundred formulae and your virtue's
favourite playthings; and now ye upbraid me, as children upbraid.They played by the sea- then came there a wave and swept their
playthings into the deep: and now do they cry.But the same wave shall bring them new playthings, and spread before
them new speckled shells.
The paper I've been working on, compares the Christians and Greek virtues. Plunging into Plato's great vision of virtues made me realize that I had no understanding of words I thought I grasped: Justice, Wisdom, Love. It truly feels like as if a wave washes everything away I thought I understood. It's a strange liberating feeling acompanied by guilt. As if I'm loosing faith. Is this true? I do not know. I can't say no, but neither yes. I think our souls need room to breathe. To feast on what it has acqired by great turmoil and hardship, to then be able to dispose what is not good.
(For Tii)
A Year Ago…
One year ago I started my pilgrimage. It was an exciting day for me (see this post http://www.lukebuehler.com/?p=38). During that time I often wondered where this journey would take me. What God would do in my heart. Somehow I felt that there would be some detours until I would reach my goal, but what has actually happened in the last year, has far exceeded my guesses. From that day where I did my first step out of the home of my parents to start walking, I often dreamed about how it would be to reach Jerusalem. Over time it became more and more a symbol, the determination to reach the actual city didn't become any weaker, but it found a spiritual companion that empowered it even more. After a year I'm still half way, I stopped in Istanbul, never crossed the Bosporus to Asia. If cities have a symbolic meaning for me (and they do), then Istanbul is the life in the middle, since the dawn of history caught between the interests of the west and orient. Its the city of both continents and has thus two hearts: The heart of Athens which is cradle of our western civilization, and the heart of Jerusalem, our spiritual mother. I for my part long more for Jerusalem than for Athens and interestingly the reality of my pilgrimage reflects that. I had a good offer from someone I met during my trip, to work in Athens and stay there for the winter. I could have had an apartment there and made some money with which I could have finished my trip, but I felt like that it was not right for me to do this detour and I declined. Only to come back to Switzerland one month later from Istanbul? Yes. Where the pilgrimage of heart and body will lead I do not know, but one day I will make my home in Jerusalem. Hope with me.
